why sex is such a big deal...

Sex is everywhere: in magazines, online, movies and songs.  It might seem like everyone’s doing it and it’s no big deal… so is it? Here’s why we think deciding to have sex IS a big deal – both physically and emotionally.

Sex can feel fantastic. But it isn’t the only thing in the world  – or even the most important part of a relationship. You don’t have to have sex - it doesn’t automatically make you more mature. And you can still have a good relationship and not have sex.
Deciding to have sex IS a big deal though. Sex isn’t just a physical act – it also involves emotions. And there are a few risks involved.

It’s a big deal because…

#1 It can feel really good

And it can be pretty amazing to be intimate and have this kind of pleasure with another person.

#2 There are feelings involved

Sex is not just a physical act – there can be pretty intense feelings involved. Emotionally, it might feel amazing to be that close to someone else – but also you might feel vulnerable. You are showing a different side of yourself – and you’re naked!

#3 Your first time is an especially big deal

It’s better if you

• feel that you’re ready and then
• think about how you’d like it to be that first time.

#4 It’s a risky business

There are physical risks like getting pregnant or getting a sexually transmitted infection. So it’s important that you have safe sex.
There are also emotional risks. Sex can change your relationship and affect you feel about yourself.

#5 You have to be able to communicate

You have to be able to let each other know what you like and don’t like.
We are not mind readers.
We can’t just know what the other person wants to do.
You have to check in with each other to make sure you’re both enjoying it and want to keep going.
Good sex involves talking about stuff like safe sex, saying what turns you on (and what turns you off!) and what you do and don’t want to do.

#6 Sex involves trust

You have to be able to trust each other, so that no one is pressured or forced into doing something that they’re not comfortable with.
Sex can be pretty intimate. Saying what turns us on could be risky…

What if the other person thinks it’s weird?
What if they laugh at me or make me feel embarrassed about my body?
Will they respect my privacy or will they gossip or spread rumours afterwards?

If someone trusts and respects you, they’ll accept what you say and you’ll feel ok about being vulnerable.
Saying that stuff out loud is difficult for most people! But it’s easier (and less awkward) with someone you trust.

#7 Consent is a really big deal

Under the law, sex should only happen if both people ‘consent’ – which means that they both freely agree to it, without any pressure or force.
Sometimes you both want different things from during sex – or maybe you want sex but your partner doesn’t. You don’t have the right to pressure for sex or manipulate someone into sex – that’s not love or respect.
Forcing someone to have sex is a crime. If you pressure or force someone into sex, you could take away someone’s trust, sense of safety, self-esteem and their ability to enjoy sex in the future – that’s a lot of damage.
So don’t just assume someone wants to have sex - make sure that they’re consenting to it and really want to do it! See talking

#8 Unexpected things might come up

Sex can be an intense and personal experience, and unpredictable or uncomfortable feelings can come up – stuff like crying, feeling very anxious or numb. See Sex, can you handle it?

That’s why it’s a big deal….

Because of all this, we think that deciding to have sex IS a big deal.
Being able to trust each other and communicate is important.